Paused or Fast Forward?

You ever feel like you are stuck on Pause while everyone else is going in Fast Forward?

The past couple weeks I have been feeling this way. Its not that I’m not happy for my friends and family its just that I’m sad,depressed, jealous whatever name you want to attach to it. For those of you who don't know me super well... I have a way of dealing with things that make it really hard to not be happy for people while feeling sad for myself.... it really makes it hard since I know in my brain that its great these awesome things are happening to my friends and family,but in my heart I have a hard time not getting a bit jealous....

I'm sure this is the normal … grass is greener scenario and for what its worth I love my life... just wish sometimes it came easier to us I guess. It always feels like we have to work 3xs as hard for what we have and most times its not enough. Some days I feel so left behind that just looking at all the fun things my friends are doing on FB makes me want to curl up in bed and never leave the house. Which all in all is silly since as a family unit we get out and do plenty of fun things when DH is home, guess it just during the week when I’m home pretty much all the time with the kids that I start to get lonely. I guess that is what no one ever warns you about when you become a SAHM... Its a lonely thankless job that never stops!

Unlike people who leave the home for work, a SAHM lives where she works. The chores,growing kids,keeping house and family afloat... It never leaves.... you can just cut it off no matter how much you want to some days, But for those that go to work... they can stop thinking and doing as soon as they leave the building.

Is this what I wanted my life to be... with certainty I can say yes I wanted to be a mother and wife... but most days I just wish those roles were easier... but what is that old saying... Its worth the work in the end.... I know it will get easier... I just have to take it day by day and hopefully every day that fly’s by will make it easier to bare.. Who knows... maybe I’m just having a hormonal breakdown and just need to chill out. Either way thanks for listening to me ramble on and on...

Happy Birthday!

I had this blog all written up on his actual birthday but its on my netbook and i just havent had time to put it on here... so im just going to rewrite my tribute to one of the awesomest men i know! 

Oct 25th 1978 my husband was born.  It may only be significant to a handful of people but to me its one of those great days!  He is my best friend, my confidant, my love, the father to my kids, and best of all the joy maker!  If we didnt have him around i know our lives would definately be more boring!  
Lately he has been working harder than ever to help our family live the way we want to live.... Its hard on both of us, but im sure way harder on him, but you know what... he comes home and plays with the kids, reads them books, swings them on the swing!  He is the best Dad i know and those kids LOVE HIM more than life itself!  I love to watch and listen when they dont think im around... he jokes around with Liam, plays legos and superheros with him.... Maggie lights up when he walks into the room with joy... this is big since she is mostly a mommas girl!  I love that he lets them climb over him and doesnt complain and even better laughs and tickles little bellies... I could not love him more than when im watching him with our kids!  <3

Times may be tough right now but i know as long as we stick together as a family and have him as our leader we will make it through!

So Happy Birthday Trav!  We love you more than you will ever realize!

So Tired

Yesterday was a busy but fun family day for us!  We headed to Williamsburg to have lunch and walk around Colonial Williamsburg with some great friends and then head to my niece and nephew's 4th birthday party.

We had a great lunch at The Cheese Shop a local favorite, and we had fun eating and catching up with Robert and Nancy while baby Bella slept in her seat.  Liam was bouncing around as normal when it comes to being outdoors and around alot of interesting people, and Maggie was trying to keep up with her brother.  This was a first for Maggie not being solely stuck in the stroller while out and about.  She was loving it!  We walked up and down DOG(Duke of Gloucester Street) and then it was time to head to Grammy's house.  Before we got there though we stopped at our MOST FAVE store in Williamsburg ever!  THE CHRISTMAS MOUSE! 

We let Maggie walk around the store for the first time.  She could not contain her excitement and awe!  She is definately a Becker!  We love all holidays but our favorite is definately Christmas!  Maggie loved all the bright lights, the sparkly ornaments and all the music.  She just didnt know what to do with herself.  She would go from one thing to the next... pick something up and show us and then go to the next thing.  It was the cutest thing ever!  Liam loved showing her the Halloween Town they have set up!  His favorite holiday is Def. Halloween... He loves anything spooky...

Anyways so we leave with a cute lite bat to put in the tulle wreathe im making for our door and headed to Grammy's.  As soo as we get there Liam is jumping out the car to go play with his cousin Aidan.  Maggie is a bit more gaurded since she hasnt seen them in a while but soon warms up after seeing her brother having so much fun!  It was so fun to just sit out on the deck and watching the kids run around on the playground and watching Maggie walk around playing.  Its always fun when we get to see family, especially since we dont get to see my husbands side all that often since they live an hour away. 

Hoping everyone had a great weekend.

Memory Lane {from wordpress October 14, 2011)

Now that its all quiet at my house with everyone pretty much asleep... I get to have some mommy time. Usually my mommy time consists of me doing some things on the computer. Well tonight is no different but i found myself looking around at old pictures of my kids.
I know they have to grow up but Im going to also say its ok to be a bit sad about it! I have no urge to have any more kids so its a bit bittersweet that Maggie is getting past all the little baby stuff and Liam is obviously heading into schoolager land as quickly as his little feet can take him.
I would be lieing if i told you i dont miss when he was little. Life was so much easier then, but then i look into my little girls face and know that we are on the way to where we need to be in life! It may be hard. It may be frustrating at times. It may even be downright ugly! But then i look at my sleeping babies and know that in the long run it is totally worth it! They are the reason for doing everything we do! Its our goal as parents to give them a better life than we had growing up(and T and I had some pretty great ones) SO as we head to the next phase of parenthood(terrible 2's and schoolagehood) I will keep my fond memories of the baby years close at hand and know that i will make it through this just like i did those sleepless nights!

Does it ever end? (from wordpress october 13,2011)

Does the housework ever end. In my house the answer is NO... I feel like most days i take 1 step foreward and 20 steps back!
Even with me doing laundry everyday i never feel like i catch up or even get ahead of it! I have been doing atleast 2-3 loads every day this week and there is still a full basket. But i will say that i HATE folding and putting cloths away... they tend to sit in the basket for longer than they should im sure. I guess in a family of 4 you are destined to have tons of dirty cloths. I truely dont know how my friend who has 5 little girls gets hers done most days.
Sometimes i miss the days of living in a 1 bedroom apartment where the only thing you had to worry about was vacuuming a tiny apartment, making sure it looked semi neat and what to have for dinner.... no yard to worry about and no kids to wreak everything you just finished and then i look around and realize how boring my life would be with out these to tornados in my life!

What to Say (from Wordpress October 11,2011)

As I sit here trying to figure out what i should say in my blog, I get to thinking that I should write about what I know... What I know right now is pretty much wifely things. Cleaning the house, watching and raising the kids, groceries, trying to save what little money we have, and at the same time keep myself and my hubby happy...When you write it down it really doesnt sound all that hard or hectic does it... Well the stress levels in this house on a daily basis are through the roof! Between our 5 year old testing our patience, money issues and worry, and not to mention all the health issues our 15month old is going through right now its hard to stay happy and content when you have so much going through your mind all the time.
Its also hard to look around you to your friends and family and see that they are moving ahead to the future and you feel like because of dumb choices in your past you are stuck in the present and have no way of ever getting out. Its like a ton of bricks that are just keeping you in place and never going to leave you. I know you shouldnt want what others have... but its hard when you are living in a house that is quickly becoming to small for your family and having to live pay check to paycheck and still not being able to pay everything without the help of Credit Cards to say I love my life.
Now dont get me wrong, I love my kids and husband! Its just hard going through everyday life and seeing everyone else(even some who are in the same boat as you) being able to do so much more than you can afford to let yourself do. I know again... the grass isnt always greener on the other side but when you are stuck you start feeling this way.
Lately i feel like i have no motivation to do anything productive... i mean what is it going to help....I do the bare minimum to keep the house running and my Hubby from freaking out on me. I know i should take better care of my house but most days with 2 kids running around it feels like a loosing battle. I get one thing cleaned up and they tear down 10 more.... I just dont have the energy to keep dealing with it over and over again.
This leads us to how my 5 year old gets away with so much lately. My Hubby and I just dont have the energy to fight or argue with him. L has just hit this part of his life where he feels if he argues or whines enough he will get what he wants and to tell you the truth for a while he has been. I am guilty of giving in just because its easier and less time consuming than fighting him on EVERYTHING! I mean everything from putting cloths on for school to what he wants for lunch and the candy he thinks he needs before breakfast. Its a never ending battle and its very tiresome. It has got to stop and is not helping in my down attitude!
On a high note though... Baby Girl is learning and expierencing so much in the last month or 2. She started walking which has opened her world wide open. We finally figured out why she has been getting the random fevers and should know our treatment plan by the end of next week! Just this Month she has had a great time at the Pumpkin Patch, Hollywood Cemetary, and playing in her Maliegh's backyard. The fall is our families time to get out and about and we tend to do alot during the weekends as a family once the weather cools off here in VA.
Well as for me... I turned 30 last month and I guess that is a big turning point for most people... When your in high school, college etc... you think to yourself where you want to be when you are 30. I have pretty much made it to where i wanted to be... married, kids, house, dog... you know the american dream, i guess they just dont remind you to put in the stress and worry and WORK it takes to keep the dream going. I think turning 30 and looking around at my life made me realize that even when things are going pretty bad that i still am lucky to have a great family to support me and mine and friends who are always there and ready to help when they can!
~~A~~

Crazy Person

I know many will think Im crazy, but I promise Im not... I just like things to look how i picture them... With this said im going to let you in on a little secret... this is like the 3rd new blog i have started in the last couple days.  I wanted to start a blog but i had a picture in my head how i wanted it to look.  I know what i will be writing about but im no computer geek so i wanted the site i went with to be easy to use and have templates that are easy to customize... anyways so i started a blog at wordpress... great site but i just couldnt get it to look how i wanted.  So i came back to Blogger.  I have tryed to blog here before... adn actually have a family blog that i need to update pretty seriously, but im really sticking to this one since I need to get my crazy life out of my head to help me cope!

With that said Im going to upload the other post i have put on the wordpress blog so you guys can get up-to-date on what is swirling around in my head!  Hope you enjoy and keep coming back!

Welcome to MY CHARMED LIFE:  The day to day of a SAHM and Wife....