As I sit here trying to figure out what i should say in my blog, I get to thinking that I should write about what I know... What I know right now is pretty much wifely things. Cleaning the house, watching and raising the kids, groceries, trying to save what little money we have, and at the same time keep myself and my hubby happy...When you write it down it really doesnt sound all that hard or hectic does it... Well the stress levels in this house on a daily basis are through the roof! Between our 5 year old testing our patience, money issues and worry, and not to mention all the health issues our 15month old is going through right now its hard to stay happy and content when you have so much going through your mind all the time.
Its also hard to look around you to your friends and family and see that they are moving ahead to the future and you feel like because of dumb choices in your past you are stuck in the present and have no way of ever getting out. Its like a ton of bricks that are just keeping you in place and never going to leave you. I know you shouldnt want what others have... but its hard when you are living in a house that is quickly becoming to small for your family and having to live pay check to paycheck and still not being able to pay everything without the help of Credit Cards to say I love my life.
Now dont get me wrong, I love my kids and husband! Its just hard going through everyday life and seeing everyone else(even some who are in the same boat as you) being able to do so much more than you can afford to let yourself do. I know again... the grass isnt always greener on the other side but when you are stuck you start feeling this way.
Lately i feel like i have no motivation to do anything productive... i mean what is it going to help....I do the bare minimum to keep the house running and my Hubby from freaking out on me. I know i should take better care of my house but most days with 2 kids running around it feels like a loosing battle. I get one thing cleaned up and they tear down 10 more.... I just dont have the energy to keep dealing with it over and over again.
This leads us to how my 5 year old gets away with so much lately. My Hubby and I just dont have the energy to fight or argue with him. L has just hit this part of his life where he feels if he argues or whines enough he will get what he wants and to tell you the truth for a while he has been. I am guilty of giving in just because its easier and less time consuming than fighting him on EVERYTHING! I mean everything from putting cloths on for school to what he wants for lunch and the candy he thinks he needs before breakfast. Its a never ending battle and its very tiresome. It has got to stop and is not helping in my down attitude!
On a high note though... Baby Girl is learning and expierencing so much in the last month or 2. She started walking which has opened her world wide open. We finally figured out why she has been getting the random fevers and should know our treatment plan by the end of next week! Just this Month she has had a great time at the Pumpkin Patch, Hollywood Cemetary, and playing in her Maliegh's backyard. The fall is our families time to get out and about and we tend to do alot during the weekends as a family once the weather cools off here in VA.
Well as for me... I turned 30 last month and I guess that is a big turning point for most people... When your in high school, college etc... you think to yourself where you want to be when you are 30. I have pretty much made it to where i wanted to be... married, kids, house, dog... you know the american dream, i guess they just dont remind you to put in the stress and worry and WORK it takes to keep the dream going. I think turning 30 and looking around at my life made me realize that even when things are going pretty bad that i still am lucky to have a great family to support me and mine and friends who are always there and ready to help when they can!
~~A~~
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