Monday, October 31, 2011

Paused or Fast Forward?


You ever feel like you are stuck on Pause while everyone else is going in Fast Forward?

The past couple weeks I have been feeling this way. Its not that I’m not happy for my friends and family its just that I’m sad,depressed, jealous whatever name you want to attach to it. For those of you who don't know me super well... I have a way of dealing with things that make it really hard to not be happy for people while feeling sad for myself.... it really makes it hard since I know in my brain that its great these awesome things are happening to my friends and family,but in my heart I have a hard time not getting a bit jealous....

I'm sure this is the normal … grass is greener scenario and for what its worth I love my life... just wish sometimes it came easier to us I guess. It always feels like we have to work 3xs as hard for what we have and most times its not enough. Some days I feel so left behind that just looking at all the fun things my friends are doing on FB makes me want to curl up in bed and never leave the house. Which all in all is silly since as a family unit we get out and do plenty of fun things when DH is home, guess it just during the week when I’m home pretty much all the time with the kids that I start to get lonely. I guess that is what no one ever warns you about when you become a SAHM... Its a lonely thankless job that never stops!

Unlike people who leave the home for work, a SAHM lives where she works. The chores,growing kids,keeping house and family afloat... It never leaves.... you can just cut it off no matter how much you want to some days, But for those that go to work... they can stop thinking and doing as soon as they leave the building.

Is this what I wanted my life to be... with certainty I can say yes I wanted to be a mother and wife... but most days I just wish those roles were easier... but what is that old saying... Its worth the work in the end.... I know it will get easier... I just have to take it day by day and hopefully every day that fly’s by will make it easier to bare.. Who knows... maybe I’m just having a hormonal breakdown and just need to chill out. Either way thanks for listening to me ramble on and on...

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